theres about fifteen irish kids here.

and by here i mean the west coast.

and irish i mean crazy latino kid with a bottle of whiskey and a shamrock hat.

two days ago was st. patricks day, and unlike the east coast….this was a fucking hoax

it was kind of heartbreaking not seeing the usual outpouring of green pedroia jerseys lining the streets of south and central boston. the seemingly endless stream of drunken teenages and twenty-somethings littering the area for the st patricks day parade.

walking around los angeles was kind of…well….depressing.

there was about five people wearing green (i think one of them was unintentional, and one of them was a child who was not at the age to dress themselves yet) and no one was announcing parties of irish car bombs and overall promoting bad life decisions for an evening of unbridled excuse.

there was just something missing.

i think thats a segway for i guess theres going to be excessive amounts of drinking this weekend at my apartment to make up for it.

and im not allowing anything less.

p.s. that guy in the photo above is mad c00l huhz?

make me a tattoo.

seriously.

for years ive been searching for a tattoo that would inspire me and motivate me finally into getting one. something that not only sparked my imagination but people would inquire about and actually be interested in.

and to this day the only one i actually want, i cannot get because of size and location.

fuck my life right?

and then finally this other day i realized maybe the ink with the most meaning, has little to no meaning at all…..

let me explain.

it finally dawned on me that every time i have a question, or an inquiry i normally outsource to my friends regardless looking for guidance and mentorship. and i asked myself for a tattoo why should that be any different.

and im finally going to man up and get it all done.

so what im asking of you my friends (and/or readers…i dont know how many of you exist) is to make me a tattoo. it could be something that is insanely intricate or you could make a chest piece that says “mashed potatoes”, anything counts.

im going to take the ones that fit into the guidelines and that i like the most and make it into a small sleeve for my arm.

this applies to anyone and just about anything. (there will be a small list of items i do not want on me for eternity listed below) but please let your imaginations run wild and come up with piece for me. i know it is a imtimidating question but still, this is your own oppertunity to at least have something that lasts forever on someones arm.

when are you going to have this chance again?

guidelines areeeee

-no penises….i dont care…its not funny
-no tribal work…..seriously.
-nothing too big, this is working out for a half sleeve not a chest piece

thats it, seriously, you want to make a ballin portrait of you…do it (i will probabaly not use it unless your greg porter) but you can try.

w00t tattoos.

hotel caifornia.

there was a large part of me that forgot all together about hotel parties, and not to lie, im kind of saddened by it.

noah’s old roomate mike is down here for a week for some actors conference in which for lack of a better term you pimp yourself for a week to different agents, producers and see what gets stirred up.

im not saying im ignorant to the entire acting thing, however i had no goddamn idea a headshot meant life or death when it came to doing these things, im blown away at some of the shit they have to do on a daily basis to whore themselves.

its impressive to say the least.

so last night after all their shit ends we end up going to the hilton (cause unlike noah and myself they apparently do their shit in style) to try to at least get absolutely hammered.

here are some low quality shots (i need a real camera, this iPhone shit isnt cutting it anymore) that were taken throughout the evening.

overall decent evening.

dont ask me why people were arm wrestling (in which i joined a round and won….and impressed myself to be blunt)

and yes, that is mikes hard on one of the table….no thats not what i brought. (however bitch drink night is coming up soon @ 301 st. andrews so stay tuned).

however highlights form last evening go as such…..

-arm wrestling and winning
-cougars
-tina turner dance offs
-endless beer consumption
-finding out blondie has a diamond encrusted in her tooth
-finding out blondies engaged
-seeing blondie make out with mike the chisled model “her presumed fiance”
-watching blondie leave the room to fuck mike
-finding out mike isnt the fiance
-laughing at adultry

yeah, dont ask what her name was cause i totally forgot but this one blond bitch completely fucked another dude while being “happily” engaged.

this is why i adore los angeles at times.

there really is no sense of outstanding morals….

by the way….theres alot of you that might read this and still not have a twitter account.

get the fuck on that, it takes five minutes to do and unlike the other two major social networking sites right now….it never changes. (it works)

so go here for my updates and follow me if you decide to join.

w00t.

is this who reads my blog?

while mulling through the stats of todays blog visitors i stumbled upon the “google reference section” of the stats….you know the one where they let you know what people might have searched on google to find your blog that certain day.

today there was two entries.

one was “jimmy james toys”

simple enough, theres one there. im sure i have wrote about the toy before so its understandable why one might be searching for it….i mean, its a marketable version of me. who the hell would not want to get that as a birthday and/or christmas gift.

that was not the problem.

alas it was the other google reference entry that through me for a loop…..

….someone found and accessed my page on google by typing in “paul rudd’s cock”…..

what the fuck.

i will make this clear that yes, i did write a man crush entry months about about mr. rudd and nothing has changed.

i never made a entry dedicated to “paul rudd’s cock” however.

im not confused if i made an entry or not, that was not the problem…..im awkwardly confused why someone would choose my page as a possible vessel for being the host of one “paul rudd’s cock”…..and no noah…no jokes.

regardless, i felt i should inform people about that, it seemed decent enough to write about.

goddamn i need sleep.

noah get off my bed……..

the clippers are atrocious.

yes, i used the word atrocious

which if you cretins have no idea what it means, it loosly translates out to unbelieveably fucking bad.

so i was invited out to the giant (and i do mean giant) staples center earlier this evening with laura, eric, mindy, ellie, lisa and vanessa to watch the hometown clippers face the cavaliers (also known as lebron james and some other dude-guys) in a match with well….no consequences what so ever. whatever, last time i went to a basketball game was last years 24 point comeback by the celtics over the lakers (hi laura, ill be reminding you about that more frequently as the season grinds down) so i was grateful for the chance to go.

heres some random shots throughout the evening.

yeah, you know, just incase you have never seen a basketball court and/or eric trowbridge (the geeky blond kid in the left hand photo, thank you for taking out the eyebrow piercing)

oddly enough the clippers played amazing for the first forty minutes….seriously amazing. if you dont know too much about the sport though you know the game is forty-eight minutes however.

with a twenty point lead they collapsed like a flan in a cupboard (thank you mr. izzard) and blew the game to lebron, from our deliciously evil nosebleed seats (placed beautifully in front of three ten year old minority bigots….then again, im sure alot of people prefer being gay as opposed to being clipper fans so thank you for the wisdom kids, i hope there is three more case of child abuse somewhere in the downtown los angeles area tonight) we got to see the cavs set up plays perfectly for the final eight minutes and date rape the clippers.

for those who didnt / do not follow me on twitter like i said : file this under things i saw coming please.

overall was a great evening except for the fact i got half the beer in the nachos (staples center needs to shell out more cash for better biodegradable trays)

aside from that for some on reason ive been stuck on cover songs for the past few days and have been analyzing the fuck out of the new punk goes pop cd (shut up all of you who think you are too indie for this and/or are better, let me at your cd collection and let me dissect it verbally….oh wait, you probably have vinyl).

to be honest most of the cd is a letdown however check out the boys in a day to remember covering the frays “over my head”, decent car jam and im quite happy with it.

then again if your going to listen to “ADTR” you might as well bust out “a shot in the dark” and have a happy car ride.

to close this out im going to give you a screen shot of a text i recieved last night from my pal joe in response to my twitter about osteoprosis and how i know im going to develop it.

(edit….due to the name in any form ive been asked to remove it from the page. which is super lame and i will openly harass you from now on)

i have some creepy fucking friends.

crazy gideon.

since moving out to los angeles you completely experience some of the weirdest things you will ever see /feel in your life.

in just my third day here i was surrounded by five trannys drinking 40s on the metro (yes for all you boston kids, its not the T, its the metro here….very brit)

take crazy fucking gideon for example.

noah & i were watching a comedy central special when all of a sudden on a commercial break this insane son of a bitch comes on.

holy shit.

we’re going to take a trip to this store soon.

why do i have this really odd urge to eat a cell phone and get in this commercial?

solar car ahoy! (aqua comes soon)

so me and the beautiful eboni are driving yesterday in west holywood when we see this fine gentleman driving around.

thats right…….people are now driving solar cars everywhere.

whereas very impractical, its actually smart to own, with todays rising gas prices and economy woes its almost needed by everyone .

however to a free thinking person like myself im staring at the bigger picture.

we are everyday getting closer to noah & myselfs dream on accomplishing the AQUA CAR.

yeah yeah, some of you say steve jobs has gone of the media radar because of “health issues”…..in Steves worst case scenario he goes bionic and turns half of himself into a robot (which lets face it, we all would of done a long time ago pending cash flow)….i believe instead of that he is dilligently 90 stories underground working on a car thats either going to run perfectly underwater or hopefully, be made out of water.

hoo hah. believe in your dreams.

on another note, im doing nothing tonight and its kind of infuriating me.

then again doing nothing tomorrow either.

i need a constructive second job bad.

allergies.

dear allergies,

please please pleassseeeeee stop date raping my left eye.

since i returned home from beantown whatever death grip disease i caught has taken hold of my left (and only left) eye and has not let go since arriving.

ive taken dayquil, nyquil, pcp, everything trying to stop the constand amount of rubbing i have to do to alleviate the annoyance / itch / pain of my death eye.

if anybody knows a mystic that would be greatly appreciated, i have a small feeling that might be the solution to the current problem i am having.

(note : yes, also if i stare at something too long, you know, like a computer screen, it waters uncontrollably any proceeds to annoy the fuck out of me…..oh blogging)

anyways, im going to proceed to watch comedy central and trade n00dz with christine.

oh yeah, and make oatmeal (cause i fucking r00l face)

oh yeah. eyeFAIL.

hes back.

fucking christ.

i swear to god these posts are gonna be everyday again, things are getting back to normal once again and thank god.

first and foremost is i am finally back from my boston winter trip 09′ and dare i say couldnt be happier.

dont get me wrong, i love my time home with friends and family……

however with the death plauge illness bestowed on me by my friends, the semi awkwardness of some situations and the sadness of not seeing friends as long as i would of enjoyed im glad to be back to a situation where its stable and i know where im sleeping.

giant giaaaaant thank yous to gregory porter, heather & bob, miss sarah and mike for supplying what can easily be called the best nights of the trip. seriously, you guys made all of that worth it for me and i couldnt be happier about the venture.

nowwwww i just have to focus on getting all you kids out here for some west coast lovin.

to make long story short, best parts of the trip

: heather and bobs signed greeting at the wrong side of the terminal @ logan.
: fancy dinner at outback steakhouse. chocolate missle bread!
: pour house with sarah, greg, samantha, kevin & mary (thats not your coat?…i dont care)
: jam band sessions with greg and chris (that was beta testing…dont say shit)
: somebodys baking me cookies……
: THE WARRRR, HASSSS JUSTTTT BEGUNNN!
: …you date retards.
: midnight shot sessions at the hancock tavern
: asking the bro dude to take a picture…ugh bro dude.
: slither.
: assault rifles in quincy…no they arent street legal apparently.
: mike & i’s north american scavenger hunt
: motel 6, lets make a fort
: im such a man, i even cut off my nipples so i would never be a girl
: van oast!

theres alot more….mainly just a fuck ton of obscure references that would of been hysterical if you had been there.

and that is correct, i do mean you persons who didnt show up to the places i told them to.

listen, im not angry you didnt see me….if i hear anyone bitch though that i wasnt around ill kill your kids i swear to god, i got deathly ill for most of the trip and made it out to numerous public places where you all had plenty of oppertunity to see me.

long story short, ill be back, calm the fuck down.

to be blunt i had a blast being home (yes mom i do miss you too but on another level, your probably going to be reading this so dont think i left you out)

i am however psyched to be back on the weather appropriate coast of california and its 70 degree weather.

its good to breath and finally not be coughing up cold unequivical death randomly….

so in end terms, i love you all….im not coming back till the summer, come see me if you want, stay at my appt even, but dont drag me there in 10 degree weather.

yes this means you grandma as well, no dying till summer months.

oh and i found this in my basement back home as well. its my new sleeping buddy.

kruummmmmmm = epic win.

more posts soon i swear it!

part duex

heres the video blog that noah edited while i was gone as “part 2″ (considering youtube doesnt let you upload more than ten minute videos anymore (go vimeo!)….even still boston is going epic right now and i am hoping to have pictures and videos up tonight (or at the very least tomorrow)

noah im dragging your ass here by the way next time.

vlogging. part 1 of 2.

me and noah decided to start blogging over video.

dont even ask why……

watch, and please by all means try to enjoy.

part two is going to be probably tomorrow.

i know, epic stuff right.

going home / the toy shop

oh my godddddddddd

after countless overnights, pointless attempts at getting drunk and random movie nights where i end up bored as hell and not doing anything…..im writing a post at work of all places.

jesus.

anyways, in four days i return home to the wonderfully delightful town of boston massachusetts.

yes, the return is finally upon us and well, kind of creeping me out that i have seen the atlantic in over half a year.

just think of it, i missed christmas, thanksgiving, my dads, moms, and two brothers birthdays, MY birthday, labor day, super bowl, nba finals, mlb playoffs and countless friends birthdays.

its been heartbreaking to say the least.

now i have a week and a half to have some fun with the hometown kids (which is not nearly enough…..i mean how can i dedicate less than a week of time to bob & heather?)

nevermind the fact that i must fit a seemingly ridic schedule to see everyone. ten parties in ten days just does not work what-so-ever.

whatever happens will be a amazing trip regardless, i miss my family, i miss my friends, and i miss my town. i cannot wait to walk down newbury street and harass the locals.

however, i will say im not to sure what i am going to do without noah constantly around me every night. its going to be weird without him not being my verbal hate equivalent for a week. theres always texting, but texting does not reporduce waking someone up with a wooden spoon and a brass pot at 4:43 a.m

speaking of noah and i, in the time honored tradition of naming places we live absolutely retarded names we have kept true to our word and finally given the apartment a name fitting for us…..the toy shop.

wait, now that i think of it that actually sounds awkwardly sexual, …..we might have to tweak the name.

noah has been making toys though (for those of you not familiar with the “munny” doll go check out kid robot) and suprisingly enough has been doing a stellar job at it.

he has been dilligently working on my doll for the past few days and the results are hysterical…..

dont worry, it (reportedly) will be finished by the time i arrive in massachusetts and will be with me wherever i go for pictures.

“mini james” has returned.

there should be a video blog later or something, i know ell is coming over the shop and we are building forts (literally building forts) which is going to be bad ass / destructive.

vlogging. ugh…just sounds wrong.

christian bale = pillow monster

if you havent heard yet, christian bale tweaked the fuck out on the set on terminator salvation.

and like most sets, apparently christian did not realize they do sometimes have motion and sound recording devices not only on said sets, but rolling most of the time.

so when cuddle-fiend christian bale decided to verba-rape his cinematographer everything (sound wise) was caught on tape.

i think i want him at my birthday party.

i have a dream…..#2

ok, i know these two are in horrifically close proximity between the first “i have a dream, and the second i have a dream” even still, i recieved notice this morning that something was released and i have to write another one of these considering well….i took no pictures of yesterday and the ugly prom party pictures are not up yet.

theres always plenty of excuses, i know.

anyways, yes…i have a dream…and unlike the last one this is not going to cost me virtually anything at all.

this dream is known as the “amazing race”

so background for those who have not watched it before…

started in 2001 by two people that i dont even know their names, all i know is by the end of the pitching cbs picked up the show and they got that phil keoghan guy to host it.

what happens next is a multi city / country race around the world all the while deciphering clues and just doing crazy shit in general (nevermind driving at a usually unsafe rate of speed).

since then every year, eleven teams of two scurry across continents in hope of the $1,000,000 prize at the end of the game for the last remaining team.

personally even though it would be nice i could care less about the cash prize (unless its going toward my gumball 3000 rally fund, in which case AWESOME)….honestly, i care much much more about being flown around the world on someone elses bill and getting compensated for doing atrociously stupid shit.

amazing indeed.

noah & i are already in the process in creating team bromance and invading this show.

for those of you who want to join in on the fun and see if you can try to get on the application is due no later than feburary 17th. (its already the 2nd…..get off your ass)….you need a team of two and valid passports. just go to cbs.com and download the application off the amazing race site then read the requirements. yes you will have to make a three minute dvd or vhs tape describing why the hell they should pick you (which we will probabaly be posting the application video anyways….the ideas are already horrid for video concepts).

see you bitches in ecuador.

i have a dream….#1

i have a dream.

and this dream costs $120,000 u.s. dollars. for a entrance fee.

this dream is the infamous gumball rally.

for those of you who are not privy to the concept of the gumball rally let me give you a little history lesson.

in the 1930′s a motorcycle racer by the name of “cannonball” baker drove reportedly coast to coast in 54 hours (which is fucking ridic’)….then in the 70s’ the guy who started car & driver, brock yates created a memorial race from new york to los angeles in which some dudes won in a mind blowing 36 hours.

that flash forwards to 1999 when some earthly god named maximillion cooper (he just sounds incredible, right?) decided to get all of his high rolling friends together with extremely nice niiiiice vehicles and hold a race…this race, is known as the gumball rally 3000.

if you havent quite figured it out, 3000 stands for the number of miles one has to achieve by car to finish the race, initally a u.s. only race, it can now span numerous countries which has included london, china, morocco, germany, india and italy.

the list of people who have raced nevermind the mind-numbing cars the drove is insane. i mean as irrevelant as billy zane is, when he races a 1965 aston martin db5 you cant help but to assume he might be the coolest motherfucker around.

and this…..

if i dont achieve this in life im going to be furious, a camo’ed out rolls royce, dont get me wrong. im all down for murder-ing out vehicles however anyone who takes a $400,000 car and covers it in camoflauge is a overall winner in my book.

so heres the overall expenses to the dream

entrance fee – $120,000
rolls royce phantom w/ custom paint – $400,000
gas/food/random expenses – $5,000

overall expenses – $525,000

gumball rally 2010 here i come.

16 days.

its so surreal to even think that in 16 days im going to be venturing back to boston for a week and a half.

dont get me wrong, im having a good time out here and im thankful that i got out of boston when i did, god knows the drama was atrocious 3,000 miles away. i dont even want to imagine what it would be like if i was there.

even still there is a laundry list of people im going to see when im there (in no particular order bob, heather, gregory, kelley, sarah, kelly, bryan, rachel, christen, amanda, erick, mike, laura, rob, michelle, stephanie, jocelyn, becky, pat, kate, duncan, tyler, joanna, stephanie f, holly, john, jeff, laura r and even more…)….not to even mention being with my family.

there is alot to live up to in a very short short time period.

its going to be the best week ive had in a long long time pretty much and i couldnt be happier about it.

i feel like i need adventures to happen soon, i know theres going to be some fun things going on after work tonight and such but my posts have been lacking recently.

mainly because ive been sitting at home playing xbox and unless i have a video camera so you guys can see me freaking the fuck out yelling over my headset (yes, i play with friends, and yes…i have a headset that i yell over. complete nerd-dom ensues.) describing that every goddamn time seems a bit awkward and boring.

hopefully with mustaches and margarita night tonight ill have something to post about that isnt repetitive tomorrow.

you tube.

i spend so much time in my life aimlessly carousing youtube’s endless annexes its almost inconcivable.

every so often i stumble upon videos that ill watch, oh i dont know, fifteen or twenty times in a row.

its a horrid horrid affliction…..

anyways heres two things ive been stuck on today and its infuriating.

yeah, my life makes tons of sense sometimes.

i swear im actually going to start being productive with long writing, probabaly starting tonight. haha.

noah’s home

you dont realize how much your going to miss a roomate until they are gone for a week.

seriously, not to sound totally “bromanced” or anything like that, but the kid is my nightly bitch session. all the hating on people i cannot talk about on a open forum goes down with him.

without him here to gripe and have someone to play pointless video games here till two a.m. i became an insomniac, a slave to boredom cause most people in this goddamn town are “flakish” i guess you could say.

not having someone you can hate on people with is atrocious and i suggest all of you get one for your respective national regions now.

long story short, welcome back you sardonic son of a bitch.

im glad you didnt fall victim to the perils of new jersey…..

fuck new jersey.

home alone.

so noah took off this morning for new jersey.

essentially what that means is i am home alone in the apartment for five days.

what the hell do i do with my self for five days?????

watch what?….thirty movies?, try to beat grand theft auto 4?, build a treehouse.

actually that treehouse sounds pretty bad ass.

regardless, there might be videoblogging tonight.

and there is most def videoblogging tomorrow.

exciting huh?

ENDORSEMENT #1

finally a company has realized my amazing potential and decided to act upon it.

theres been countless companies that have overlooked me, skimmed by and maybe even glanced at but in the end, just payed no attention to.

today changed all of that.

i would like to give special thanks to adobe (no not the material of sand clay and water that they made new mexico out of) but the software company for hooking me up with creative suite : design premium for FREE bitches.

sure i had to do some questionaires and such but in the end they realized the overall greatness / epicness of myself and handed over the program.

ok, so its not an actual endorsement….alas its still a fucking uber trendy and expensive program that they are giving to me.

and its something i can dangle over your heads that i have.

go me!

wtc is the new dtf.

apparently class is not lost on the modern generation.

most of my friends and most of the randoms that probabaly read the entries on this blog have probabaly watched stupid / funny things which include and is not limited to swingers, wedding crashers, mean girls, cant hardly wait, wwe wrestling and the main point to this particular blog…

…superbad.

now i know superbad is quite trendy, and everyone quotes it and blah blah blah blah. ok great….however one of the terms they made quite famous over the past year and a half.

this expression is the infamous “DTF”.

now for those who arent privy to what “DTF” means, it is the acronym for “Down To Fuck”.

that right there is the expression when a man and/or woman is openly willing to sleep with most attractive people they know. making them a apparently “easy” target for a friend.

the reason i bring this all this up is because there was a recent twitter off between the fine likings of brian street team and the 8′ ft 11 (up to debate on height) julene horowitz.

the debate at hand was a classy way of freshening up the tiring “dtf”

what it evolved into was what is now “wtc”

for those of you whos minds do not operate at the sheer level of class and bravade as the people i know do…that would be better coined as “willing to copulate”

yes i know, it sounds more like a want ad for a breeding mate (which im not planning do to before 30….julene says she’ll never reproduce but we have a ongoing bet on this debate) but still cleans up the DTF for more popular mainstream use.

i know i just wasted about 300 words on why the “wtc” is what it is and how it should evolve but still, this just might save time for all you facebook / twitter n00bz who are wondering what the hell i am saying when “wtc” pops up in a status update.

time to make dinner.

janice & the cabazon dino-rawrs.

sorry for the leave of absence over the past few days, its been kind of crazy overall and just very time consuming…..

lack of blogs is my fault, and im getting back on the ball starting tonight.

so janice made her trek out to the west coast this past week, and after five days running through the south portion of the united states she made her way to sunny los angeles for two days of fun before heading to the rain soaked land of portland oregon to live.

the first night she was here janice was dead tired, which is understandable considering she drove straight out from phoenix arizona which i can imagine is a hellish drive. we grabbed a bunch of food from our local grocer, snacked out on nachos and watched “hot rod” for the umteenth time in the past week.

day two we took the two hours drive out to cabazon california to see the giant dinosaurs (technically…mr. rex cause hes awesome)….for those of you possibly not familiar with the cabazon dinosaurs they are the giant dinos that we’re featured at the end of the wizard (the infamous “lunch box” scene….which apparently they have removed the lunch box since) and in the movie pee-wee’s big adventure (where they watch the sunrise come up….which is bull shit because a) there is no where to sit b) you cant see the goddamn sunrise over the mountains in front of it anyways )

needless to say the place was awesome…in general.

not only were there big ass dinosaurs to walk around and party with, but the entire goddamn site was a creationist museum!

for those of you who are not throughly educated just yet creationism is one of those awesome little religous beliefs that just completely rejects any thought of evolution and is convinced that we just kind fucking showed up.

yeah i know….insane.

so in the midst of the dinosaur park there are all these little religous hints, like a man in armor throwing a grenade (which looks identical to the grenade throwing scene from “monty python and the holy grail” BTW)

heres some high points from dino-chaos 09′ feat janabee

needless to say this trip was a blast, extremely cheesy in general (five dollars to get in but you did get to see ROBOTIC DINOSAURS!…./fail/)

we then went to a diner that you might have seen out of the hills have eyes, in which thier bathrooms were convieniently located in the back room which had NO LIGHTS. let me tell you, of creepy experiences theres nothing like going to a roadside attractions diner’s bathroom which the lights flickered.

overall fun time, whats funny too is apparently cabazon is known for their fucking giant outlet (which i dont know why is located in the middle of absolute nowhere) and dino park, thats about it. literally the only things i saw in that town were as follows

1) dino park
2) burger king
3) creepy diner
4) awesome “wizard” named diner
5) outlets
6) christians
7) mountains

pretty epic.

on the eve of the final night we had a game / beer / movie night that went over well….

…i would put up pictures in a heartbeat if i think anyone bothered to take any.

in the end though, team jimmy james & janice won taboo (a minor victory but a victory none the less) and in the epic battle, team bromance took home the gold in “disney” scene it…..essentially cause we are the balls.

wow…this is one hell of a post.

i need to keep up on this shit, apparently if i miss a few days i have to cover by just adding everything that happened.

oh, and a update for anyone that cares…..by the time i finished the post i recieved confirmation that janice successfully made it to portland oregon without her bike falling off her car and/or dying, so congrats janice!

goddamn it i need sleep.

james mckenna = pure fire

i might have been watching this movie non stop recently.

the lonely island are geniuses.

ok, i really need to get some sleep.

this whole staying awake for 48 hours thing is throwing off my balance.

lemons & ibuprofen

upon walking into a friends apartment this evening i was greeted with the weirdest of conversation topics for males.

how to stop the female menstrual cycle dead in its tracks.

i know, sounds vicious dosent it.

long story short is my friend michelle is flying out to new york on thursday to meet up with a gentleman caller who relations might just be had with.

needless to say bloodflow would not be appreciated by both parties.

so she heard “somewhere” that downing a fuck-ton of ibuprofen and eating lemons would obliterate your period.

somewhere in the back of my head i knew this didnt sound like a completly logical plan. (however im the same kid who decided diving off a pier in the winter was a semi intelligent plan….just for record, the zero degree weather won that day and hypothermia is maybe the worst thing….ever.)

so she pops a bunch of ibuprofen and then proceeds to cut up a lemon and douse the goddamn thing in splenda.

………. after making a ton of sour faces and some grimaces as well (mainly when splenda was added to the mix) the lemon was finally choked down, and michelle was left to ponder if her concoction of pills and lemon wedges would work.

this all left me wondering deep down inside two things……

a) is all this even worth it? (then again i dont bleed from the crotch once a month for a week)

and more importantly…..

b) was this going to work???

the more i thought about it, the more the pop-rocks and coke theory came up in my head….did lemon juice and ibuprofen really meet in your intestines and figure out how to stop blood from exiting your uterus?

it seemed too surreal to comprehend, so i went to the wonderous world of google searches to find out the truth….and it was actually quite logical.

apparently taking 800mg to 1000mg of ibuprofen every six hours will either slow or stop your period without any hazardous effects (this is known because apparently if you do too much ibuprofen it will destroy your stomach lining. FAIL)

lemons on the other hand are a complete urban legend more or less so just do see who would do it apparently. it was probabaly made up by some dumb whore who ate a lemon and some ibuprofen and assumed the mixture (not just the MEDICINE) did the trick.

so long story short lemons will not do anything what-so-ever, so far from every thing i have discovered lemon juice will do nothing except give you canker sores which let me tell you are oh-so-arousing….

….and yes, ibuprofen (in 800mg to 1000mg doses every six hours) will either slow or stop the period…or should anyways, everybodys different, if you try this and it dosent work dont blame me ok. im not your doctor.

in fact, you should probably consult your doctor before trying this anyways, if you read my blog chances are you probabaly dont know whats good for you and are severly allergic to ibuprofen….or are a guy.

worst case scenario go old school – buy some dark towels, and cover the bed with em.

that always did the trick when we were younger right.

g’night folks!